The process of teaching, for me, aside from being lots of fun, is always an opportunity to receive as much as I give.
Years ago, I observed Ross Rayburn training teachers on what to do when you don't feel like teaching. Maybe you're sad or distracted. I remember that lesson because today, as I walked in to teach my first class, I was in a fun, a nasty little viper pit or depression, worry and negativity. I'm not prone to these moods, so I can get pretty far into them before I can recognize them. So as I grumpily drove to teach, I just wanted to go home and go to bed. I also knew that the best thing I could do was to teach. I remembered Ross' clear advice to the trainees. Buck up and bring it. Leave your stuff at the door and serve your students. Right. And away we go.
Fast forward an house and a half later, and 8 people are on the floor, absorbing their practices and my teachings. So was I. I had taught on the power of our core. That we should seek to know what is true for us when everything else is stripped away, like trees in winter. What is it that holds up, like tree trunks, when everything moves around us? With the students in savasana, and nothing more to say, I had time to contemplate just that. And then, by the process of my own contemplation, I opened the floodgates and in rushed powerful remembrance of the truths of my heart. I am held up, as as we all are, by Shiva and Shakti, by the creative power of the universe and the very power of existence. Oh, right. Isn't that what I wanted my students to get? To know intimately the power of their own existence? I needed that lesson, too, I guess. I'm so glad I followed Ross' advice, brought my best, and left all the other stuff at the door. I feel better and am endlessly grateful for the teachings of Tantra that remind me that I am never without. That I am never alone. And that showing up for life is always the right choice.